Confucian Musings: Always be learning

• The following is part of a series of musings on the wisdom and applicability of Confucius’ teachings for our own lives. In part 4, I explore the the enormous importance Confucius placed on constant learning and edification.

The Master said, “Even when walking in a group of three companions, I will surely find instruction. I select what is positive from them and pursue it. I reflect upon what is negative — inwardly correcting similar negative qualities I might have.” (7:22)

Confucius believed that learning was something you acquire not only through books, but also by observing your environment (in vivo). Life and people provide constant opportunities to reflect and improve one’s character. Confucius is the original growth-mindset guru, encouraging us to always be learning.

For people’s better angels, Confucius instructs us to not only identify those qualities but pursue them. For one can only truly internalize such moral impulses through practice and repetition. “We are what we repeatedly do,” said Aristotle, “excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

For people’s shortcomings, Confucius remarkably urges us not just to avoid what we see in others, but to search ourselves for such shortcomings and failings. I’m reminded of the Roman playwright Terence’s famous dictum:

“I am human, and therefore nothing human is alien to me.”

Confucius is of course not just asking us to recognize our flaws, but rather to do so for the sake of self-amelioration.

I found this Confucian teaching to be really helpful when my family and I were at a restaurant this week. As we got ready to eat, a mother and child set down at a table next to us. They were loud and both were talking to one another while looking at their phones.

Immediately, my mind started judging:

“Parents today! So lazy and disconnected.”

“I hope my kids will never be like that.”

“Why did they have to sit next to us?”

(Mind you, I was the one who came to the restaurant with two babies).

As I caught myself doing this, I took a breath and thought of Confucius’ words. I too have the tendency to multi-task and take a break from being a present parent. “Sometimes” I silently mused, “a parent just needs a mental respite.” Recognizing my own faults, I made a little vow to make greater efforts to be more present with my children. And as I did that my frustration with the situation was lifted.

Perhaps they sensed the shift in my energy, as both mother and child put down their phones and began interacting with one of my kids who was smiling at them. This turned into a short and pleasant conversation between the tables.

Of course for Confucius this is the point: a vital act vitalizes.